Milluer Coulier

Was just telling a friend about a ski trip with a bunch of great friends. We stayed on a boat in Tahoe (turns out to be really cold on boats in Tahoe in January). Ryan was the rampaging skier in a pack of snow boarders the whole time. He was such a charger, not graceful really, but totally charging. Hitting rails, dropping cliffs and launching every jumps. I remember a couple things from the trip. It was the one and only time that I saw Ryan’s unshakable positivity shaken.

I don’t even remember the exact circumstances, I just remember him getting frustrated at something and actually letting it out. In the five years I knew him it was the only time I had ever seen him frustrated or angry. Positivity was his nature and his philosophy. It was good to know that he was human and that his positivity was not a mask. Being happy is great, acting happy when your not is problematic.

On that trip we were all calling each other by our fake season-pass names (thats a whole other story) and Ryan’s was Milluer Coulier. A lot of us kept calling him that for the next couple years.

Thinking of Ryan

I was thinking about Ryan a bit today, trying to channel a little bit of that energy.  Ryan was working on planning an amazing festival when he passed.  It was an inspirational project and though it become a little more of a party to celebrate Ryan’s life, a lot of the original intent and love was present.  I have been working on a really big convergence of young folks in DC called Power Shift for the last 6 months and we are 3 days away with 5,000+ young people coming, amazing speakers, trainers and bands booked and over 300 face to face meetings planned between young people and their elected officials.

Its hugely inspiring and endlessly stressful.  I got into activism in large part because of Ryan’s influence and thinking of his smile, his energy and his laugh help me to stay sane in these crazy days.  I wish he was coming to Power Shift, but I know at least I will be carrying part of him in spirit.

This Spiritual Journey

An excerpt from an essay by Ryan:

I live today to learn this truth. I am on the journey to come in touch with the vertical. I am creating my spirituality to realize my own divinity. It is a long, hard journey, so we create the idea of soul, the connection to the continuum. The space where we know everything our life force has gone through. It is in our head, in the stars, beyond this plane of existence. In my spirituality I still have yet to know this truth. It tells me I am not always connected to the vertical. But that is why I am living. To learn to love and love to live. I am present in the moment, and I cherish that.

Every Breath

An excerpt from an essay written by Ryan:

When I look at the last year of my life I can hardly believe all the experiences I’ve gone through. I see the people I’ve lived so many hours with and think about how we have interacted and created our reality. I am able to see rainy days mountainboarding into mud puddles and feeling a natural connection about it all. When the sun shown it was for us to dry and watch the land change again.

“Sitting silently, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.” (Rajneeshi, 1976)

Life is the constant state of metamorphosis and I’ve seen my life force move with it and now I watch my family grow. I try and flow with it and be the river, but sometimes I try to be the rock in the river. From the resistance and the letting go I am growing and learning my place in it. I am amazed at what I am growing into. The cycles of seasons bring new energy to my life and I spiral outward with every breath.

Donner Landboarding Comp.

Any one who was at this event knows that this was ridiculously good time. I still have a massive scar on my arm to remind me, and I am sure quite a few others carry the scars of Donner summit. Heres a pic of the winners (Ryan is in the middle with the shades on)…

Live, love, learn…

Ryan Heumann was one of my best friends in the world. This site will be a memorial to my friend and a celebration of the love he left behind.